St Petersburg Erotik Museum

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We were given a flyer for the Erotik Museum – Муз Эрос – in Moscow but didn’t visit it, so when we were handed another in St Petersburg we thought we’d check that one out. It was also listed in the St Petersburg InYourPocket app, and so we trusted the app for directions.

We walked there from the Galeria mall where I’d tortured John for about an hour trying to find a new bag. Mine had given up and I was tired of sewing it back together. And so we followed the directions on the app which meant taking the metro one stop and walking from there. Unfortunately the app had got it pretty damn wrong…it turned out that the museum was about 50m south on the opposite side of the road to the Galeria. The moral to that story is that one should never trust an app.

The museum was inside a beautiful old building and the lady selling tickets spoke no English. She was trying to charge us more than what was listed on the sign with ticket prices and we couldn’t figure out why; we also refused to pay more. We found out later that there was a small room full of mannequins that was extra. We’d poked our head in and been told we couldn’t enter in Russian. It didn’t look too interesting, so I don’t think we missed out.

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The first room was lavishly decorated with pastel painted walls and luxurious curtains. Pornographic sketches were displayed on the walls, while the floor displayed antique furniture like naughty rocking chairs with wooden dildos and padded chairs with secret padded benches below.

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Another room held a collection of very kitsch erotic ornaments and decorations, books and advertising and pretty much anything you could imagine.

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It also had a wall like an open dollhouse, with Barbie dolls reenacting all kinds of sex scenes. It was more entertaining than sexy, and definitely got a few laughs.

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So did the rather naked mannequins playing chess with penis-pieces.

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Like in the Prague Sex Machines Museum, the Musee Eros had a room dedicated to BDSM equipment, much of which looked like modified gym equipment. Unlike the Prague museum, this museum had signs encouraging you to climb on and in and around the equipment.

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A shiny mannequin in a leather harness with a strap-on welcomed you into the room, another mannequin in a gimp suit hung suspended from the ceiling, and skeletons having sex sat on another machine. A set of wooden stocks sat in the corner.

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There was a reasonable amount of English information and it was quite an entertaining museum. It’s amazing how many people seem to collect pornographic art and equipment and toys and ornaments and just about anything they can find about sex. And it’s great that some of those people open museums. Because it’s nice to visit museums that are a bit of fun, that aren’t depressing and intense and serious.

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I’ve got to say though, I’m not convinced that John makes a sexy matryoshka doll. It may be the beard…

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